Healthy boundaries for dating
It’s also not consent if you or a partner is unable to legitimately give consent, which includes being asleep, unconscious, under the influence of conscious-altering substances or not able to understand what you’re saying yes to.If anyone involved isn’t consenting, then what is happening is or could be rape, sexual assault or abuse.Consider what you can tolerate and accept and what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed.“Those feelings help us identify what our limits are.”2. Gionta has observed two key feelings in others that are red flags or cues that we’re letting go of our boundaries: discomfort and resentment.Resentment usually “comes from being taken advantage of or not appreciated.” It’s often a sign that we’re pushing ourselves either beyond our own limits because we feel guilty (and want to be a good daughter or wife, for instance), or someone else is imposing their expectations, views or values on us, she said.“When someone acts in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, that’s a cue to us they may be violating or crossing a boundary,” Gionta said.3. With some people, maintaining healthy boundaries doesn’t require a direct and clear-cut dialogue.
Consider the following example: “one person feels [that] challenging someone’s opinions is a healthy way of communicating,” but to another person this feels disrespectful and tense. For instance, in a romantic relationship, time can become a boundary issue, Gionta said.
If you’re married to someone, friends with someone, or dating someone, it doesn’t mean they ‘own’ your consent by default, or that you own theirs.
Consent can also be taken back at any time — even if you’re in the midst of something and feeling uncomfortable, you always have the right to stop.
If you notice yourself slipping and not sustaining your boundaries, Gionta suggested asking yourself: What’s changed?
Consider “What I am doing or [what is] the other person doing? How you were raised along with your role in your family can become additional obstacles in setting and preserving boundaries.