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Posted by / 21-Feb-2020 05:33

Adam informed me that blackface wasn’t actually offensive, it was just people pretending to be offended because they love a good argument. Probably best just to skirt around it and be vague ('she’s average height with brown curly hair'). If your boyf is not a total douchebag, it will have occurred to him that he has a massive economic and social advantage over most of the rest of the world. It’s kind of the opposite of when you’re out with a brown friend and everyone thinks you’re related. All of this makes it sound like race defines my dating experiences, which is obviously not true at all. Like, err yeah, thanks Adam for that nugget of ignorance, you absolute bell-end. Say you arrive at a restaurant separately and he describes you to the maître d' to see if you’ve been seated already. You’ll end up sitting at opposite ends of the restaurant but at least no one’s been racist. Check him with all his white male privilege, right? Going out with white boys is just as frustrating and fun as dating black guys or white girls or black girls. Adam also told me that he enjoyed watching and was allergic to dogs so to be fair to him, it was never going to work out between us, even before the racism. Is he allowed to say ‘I’m here with the black girl’? And maybe you don’t even identify as black, you haven’t discussed it yet. But is he supposed to feel guilty when you tell him about something racist or sexist that’s happened to you? How is he supposed to react when you refer to something as a ‘white boy’ thing? We’re lucky to live in the UK, where most people don’t have a problem with inter-racial relationships, and the minority that do are mostly too aloof to say so in public.

When people asked me about my ethnicity, I would often just mumble something about tanning easily and change the subject, and I brushed off racist slurs like any other insult.

Now, I’m not saying these are conscious reasons why dating a man quite a bit older—there have been several moments when I’ve thought that going out with someone closer to my age would be much simpler.

I even tried it when my boyfriend and I took a short break, and I found it was painstakingly difficult and more complicated than my experience dating an older guy. The texting games (How long should I wait to text him back? It’s exhausting), the fear of commitment that plagues most twentysomethings, and the simple fact that most guys my age aren’t as emotionally mature as I am.

I’m black or brown, depending on who you ask, and I mainly date white guys.

I have no idea why and it’s definitely not a conscious choice.

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It can be tough when you and your older partner can’t share childhood commonalities (dude’s never read a book!?

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